I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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