Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
