Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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