I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
