3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
