Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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