We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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