Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
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Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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