i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
