Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
