Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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