found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
did i just pee glitter
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
