got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
