you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
