Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize