you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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