Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
