is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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