Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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