Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
