I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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