I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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