ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
