Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
