dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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