Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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