I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?