You just made me feel so damn special
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
