bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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