I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
