How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
