i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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