your parents love me but you hate me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
pop tarts are not kleenex
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
