just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
