I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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