i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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