i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
