Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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