my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
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I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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