All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
