You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
