You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
