Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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