you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize