When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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