I wish I only lived at night.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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