I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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