My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
