I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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