Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
