remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
