I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
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I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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