I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
