I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
