My sheets look like a crime scene.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
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I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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