Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
