her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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