I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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