My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize