ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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