ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I supernannyed him into submission
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
