She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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