pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
